


Appeasement

by purplelarkspur



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: 3.0 Spoilers, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/748864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplelarkspur/pseuds/purplelarkspur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji Ikari was a queer case in that he was an exemplary sample of humanity. The infestation of Lilin, their AT Fields just potent enough to separate them all and cause strife and discord, created a society full of negativity. Shinji’s soul was so worn down by it; it was as if it had been crushed. Crushed to the point of becoming a priceless diamond, crushed by despair to become a fragile gem. </p>
<p>Tabris was smitten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Appeasement

On the day of the end of the world, Tabris was born.

The specific world is unimportant. The date is unimportant. In Tabris’s life, these things were of malleable circumstance and meaningless ambiguities. After a brief period of observing the Lilin, he was tested when he met Shinji Ikari.

Shinji Ikari was a queer case in that he was an exemplary sample of humanity. The infestation of Lilin, their AT Fields just potent enough to separate them all and cause strife and discord, created a society full of negativity. Shinji’s soul was so worn down by it; it was as if it had been crushed. Crushed to the point of becoming a priceless diamond, crushed by despair to become a fragile gem.

Tabris was smitten.

Tabris also was completely unsure of how to approach this situation. He had been observing Lilith culture enough to know of their love, but love between them was filled with equal amounts of chaos as the chaos that permeated each and every other emotion they experienced. But Tabris knew there were traces of that chaos inside him. There were traces of many types of affection inside him for this particular boy.

In this world, Shinji said no to piloting. Rei Ayanami succeeded in killing Sachiel, but was killed herself in the process. Shinji requested Tabris meet him at the school roof some time afterward.

“I’m glad you came, Kaworu-kun,” Shinji said, an incredibly weak smile on his face. His mind was tormented, and his eyes reflected this inner turmoil. “You’re the only person I have left, after what happened.”

“What’s this about, Shinji-kun?”

Shinji walked to the edge of the roof, looking out at Tokyo-3 wistfully. “When it came down to it, I ran away. I’m a disgusting person.”

“I don’t think you are.” Tabris furrowed his eyebrows. “You are just fragile. The expectations thrust upon you were simply too much.”

“Kaworu-kun, everything is my fault. Everyone expected me to do fantastic things. And that’s not me. The world would be better without me.”

“I don’t think so.”

Shinji gave a weak laugh, looking up at Tabris sorrowfully. “I wish I could have been more like you, really. You’re fantastic, Kaworu-kun. I wanted to tell you that first.”

Tabris was confused, a horrible feeling clouding his stomach. He was not sure why he felt so apprehensive.

“Can I be alone for a while?”

“Anything for you, Shinji-kun…” Tabris muttered, turning around and walking back down the stairs.

Shinji got to the ground before Tabris.

The angel was dumbfounded. The concept of suicide barely made sense to him. And that fast, Shinji Ikari was dead.

Tabris could not have that.  

In the next world, Tabris worked with SEELE. It no longer mattered whether or not he sowed the Fruit of Life on Earth. SEELE’s intentions of Instrumentality no longer mattered either. Tabris’s mind had become a tunneled view of what he could do for Shinji Ikari.

“I was probably born to meet you.”

That night, Shinji kissed him. In the veil of darkness Shinji had leaned up to face him, and Tabris simply complied with his wishes.

The angel’s affection swelled. The kiss was so tentative, scared, yet so uncharacteristically bold of Shinji. Shinji pulled away quickly, however, flustered and red faced.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me—!”

Tabris kissed him again, hungry for closeness with the boy. Shinji eased into the kiss, indulging in the straightforward affection. This was new for both of them.

Shinji was even more timid and silent for the rest of the night. Tabris truly wished he could have had time to tend to the boy, draw him further out of his shell, but Tabris’s death was slated for the next day. He was content with this.

However, he was sent to another world again. A world where Shinji triggered the apocalypse. The outlook looked far grimmer than the world before, but perhaps, with more allotted time, Tabris could find a way to make everything right. Perhaps he could use his experience to coax a happy ending.

“I was definitely born to meet you.” He had to be confident now. Tabris had to make things right.

Tabris absent-mindedly kissed him during a duet on the piano. Shinji reared back in fear, made a few excuses, and fled. Tabris sighed, berating himself for acting out of line.

Shinji responded the next day, giving him a light peck on the cheek. Tabris could only smile warmly, pleasantly surprised.

Things again went sour, but Tabris was at peace with it. His death was imminent, not Shinji’s. He’d messed up again, but perhaps, in another reality, he could give Shinji what he deserved.

“I’m sorry, Shinji-kun. This isn’t the happiness you wished for.”

“I don’t get what you’re saying at all!!”

“Don’t make that face. We’ll definitely meet again.”

He couldn’t be certain, but he could try to assuage Shinji’s despair even just a little. As long as it took, he could try.


End file.
